The Coming of the Terraphiles

Roots: There are references to Tom Mix, “Mister Mailman”, Sexton Blake, Robin Hood, Disneyland, Gone with the Wind, Disney, Jane Austin, Macbeth, W. G. Grace, Svengali, Mantovani, Fellini, Houdini, Picasso, Tracy Emin, Coca Cola, Alice in Wonderland, The Wizard of Oz, Barry Pain’s The One Before, Milton’s Paradise Lost, Don Quixote, Beethoven, Leonardo da Vinci, the Titanic, Agatha Christie, Einstein, Modigliani’s Woman with a Fan, The Adventures of Robin Hood, Peter Pan, Humphrey Bogart in The African Queen, Jonathan Ross, Will Smith, Gabriel Byrne, Jung, and Gilbert and Sullivan.

Continuity: The Silver Arrow of Artemis, or The Arrow of Law, is the prize for whoever wins the tournament. It was once known as the Bow of Diana and was reputedly lost along with the Elgin Marbles and the British Museum. It is the Roogalator, which maintains the Balance of time and space.

Murphy is in the Miggea system, the closest star system to the Hub. Miggea’s strange qualities allow her to circle the Shwarzschild Radius without being drawn in and give her four planets, the Ghost Worlds, Earth-like gravity. The four Ghost Worlds are Murphy, O’Brian, Cohn and Flynn, all of which have been terraformed.

General Frank/Freddie Force and his Antimatter Men have to wear skinsuits in order to prevent them from exploding in our universe. Captain Cornelius is a pirate captain who works the Rim worlds and forces them to pay protection money. He is known as Ironface due to the mask he wears. He smokes Meng and Ecker’s heavy tobacco. His ship is the Paine.

The Doctor plays cricket here. He eats a pop-tart. He is a member of the Desperate Dan Pie Eater’s Club. He is also a member of the Terraphile organisations EarthWormer and Novae Terrae, as well as LOT, the League of Terraphiles. He tries out for the Gentlemen and plays Arrers, but is particularly good at Hammer and Nut. He reads Colvin’s ABC, the Intergalactic Spaceship Guide for the year of 51007. Time Lords, or at least the Doctor, can’t recall everything from their previous incarnations. He speaks Southern Judoon fluently. He has a pint in the Blue Barsoomian. He later drinks a half-shank of M&E Vortex Water. Time Lords used to have to go before the Grey Council if they left messages for thenselves across time.

Amy wears a cloche bonnet and silky frock and starts learning the Charleston. She has coffee and muesli for breakfast. She tried archery and hockey at school. She mentions her Aunt Sharon. Mt Thompson in the village bought her a CD of Harry Lauder. She collected old medicine bottles for a while when she was a teenager.

Other players include Judoon (Smith and Jones), six-limbed dog-men from Chardoné, canine Pilparques, a hawkperson, a sparrowman, a crested Twitterian, Gondarlians, a four-armed Thark, . Shummyummy is the predatory arachnid occupant of Perseus IX. Other species seen or mentioned here include Arcturan Cyclops, Polynuraieds, the insectoid Bruzh, scaled Aldebarans, the mole people of Juno Major, saurians, Spooni, Cairenes, Ringai, and Barsoomian banths.

The Chronii are globular energy creatures. They are intelligent and come from a planet near the Rosette Nebula. Their homeworld is off-limits to any member of the Galactic Union. They can turn almost any form of aggression away from themselves and back at the aggressor in a more powerful form. They are sometimes employed illegally by spaceship captains to provide defence. In return they get to eat any fresh human corpses resulting from space battles.

The three Bubbly Boys, Al, Tom and Bob, are three of the Famous Chaos Engineers. They work in the Second Aether, the realm between Time and Space. It is home to the totally opposed immeasurable entities, the Spammer Gain and the Original Insect. There are rumours that the Doctor named the Second Aether, but he always denies it. The Second Aether has atmosphere, but its planets don’t.

Planets mentioned here include Arcturus-and-Arcturus, Cygnus 34, Poppy 100, Desirée in the Outer Lavum Hestes, Dafryd (a mining world), Placamine, Poseidon, SeaworldTM 5000, Kali 7, Ganesh, Nova Roma, Kali 4, New Llareggub, and Venice.

Aldebaran is the acknowledged centre of koop-koop racing. Nukeball is only played illegally and on a few remote Rim worlds: a distant exploding star system usually indicates a win. A Three Legged water-ski race is held in Aquarius every spring. Mr Banning-Cannon lost money on a plan to turn Sculum Crux into a single vast rose garden light-years across.

The mythological Staff of Law was supposedly owned by the Lord of the Bee Bee Sea of old Barsoom. Desirée is a “rendezvous” world where merchants trade and have their ships repaired. Grone is a globular cluster. Little Rock is a black hole. Pangloss has twin rings and its entire population and cities are reduced to desert here by the dark tides. It was a tourist world specialising in architecture from the Third Islamic Empire.

Haverford West was an obscure planet in the Murgatroyd System, until it was carried out by a powerful pumper and sold for scrap. Cocokojoj in PrimZ has medical facilities. There is a Jelly Ghetto on Ethel. There is an Archery Museum on Twang in Calypso. Stark was a Mercurian poet.

The Dructionjen clans were exiled many generations ago for Dalek-worship. They use ships belonging to Manakai invaders from the Arkwright Cluster, who were wiped out ages ago. Ramimeds can survive with air for hours and need little sleep. Their planet is in a sunless region of the galaxy and is essentially a giant comet. Jhivan honey is mentioned. Unshim-Anlinites resemble preying mantises with human skulls for faces and several sets of ruby-red eyes. Anlin is one of their colony worlds.

Links: The Doctor mentions the Daleks.

Location: PeersTM, on board the K1-32, Desirée, on board the Gargantua, on board the Paine, Flynn, Murphy, 51007.

Future History: By the fifty-first thousandth century, Old Old Earth is thoroughly frozen due to a couple of nuclear winters and a large comet. Venice is covered in waterways and is located in the star system Calypso V, which also includes Ur XVII and New Venus. The twelfth intergalactic war left it undamaged.

The Terraphiles' knowledge of Earth history is based on texts found in a natural cave in Arctic Skipton on Old Old Earth, which include The Story of Robin Hood, Boy’s Friend, Thriller Picture Library, The Captain, The British Boys’ Book of Our Empire, Captain Justice and the Submarine Gunboat, and Sexton Blake and the Terror of the Tongs.

The Rules of Tournament (2137) dictates how arrers should be played. The Napoleon Code is the preferred legal system in the section of the galaxy that includes Peers. The Sussex and Surrey Bacon Street Regulators keep the peace in the Peers arm of the galaxy and have done for the several millennia since the collapse of Law soon after the last Dark Age but one following the fifth or sixth interplanetary war.

Ships at the spaceport on Desirée include a De Havilland, a Dumont F-22, a Farnsworth Wright and Wright, a Judoon interceptor, a double-hulled Ban’sh satr cruiser, an old Comet ring-rider, an M-type Galinax, and a Vickers 12-30M. Lord Renark of the Rim supposedly led a huge percentage of the human race into another universe via the Ghost Worlds.

The Terraphile All-Galaxy Renaissance Re-Enactments Interworld Series Tournament takes place on Miggea. The prize is the Arrow of Artemis. PeersTM owns several planets.

Unrecorded Adventures: The Doctor has met General Frank/Freddie Force and his Antimatter Men, and the Invisible Lady Peggy Steel before, as well as Captain Cornelius, who he describes as an old acquaintance and has clashed with several times. He and Cornelius had a swordfight in a coalmine near Newcastle in 1918 during an encounter with Leopard Men. He spent years searching for Peggy Steel. He also knows Captain Abberley and his three Bubbly Boys, who may be Abberley’s nieces or sons. He has met Captain Quelch, a Chaos Engineer who can be an enemy if he has something to gain. He has visited Purple Pastures in the Second Aether.

The Doctor claims that he knew all the “New Journalists” of the 1890s, including Pett Ridge, Arthur Machen, J. M. Barrie, H. G. Wells, Jerome K. Jermoe, P. G. Wodehouse, when they were writing Pall Mall and The Fortnightly.

The Doctor and Amy have been to Latest Io. The Doctor has visited Desirée before, claiming, probably jokingly, that during his gap century he had a job there as a courier but got fired. He has seen people go mad on Flynn. He knows the insectoid More-than-It. He once saw Duke Ellington live at the Apollo.

The Bottom Line: Utterly ludicrous, silly and overblown, but at the same time massively imaginative and witty. It takes an age for the plot to unfold, but Moorcock takes the time to explore his various eccentric characters and build a Whoniverse all of his own. It doesn’t quite feel like Doctor Who, but it’s fun nonetheless and Cornelius is great.

Discontinuity Guide by Paul Clarke

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